Turning 44 on July 11th has shown me so much. With so many planets in retrograde, there are many moments I have to just sit still. There is ongoing cleansing and disconnections. I’m walking away from many faces and spaces that aren’t in alignment with my purpose no matter the time invested.
As I actively work towards making the shift from ego based relationships to that which are spirit nurturing, I must really examine the difference between what I call the “solemate” and the “soulmate”.
“SOLEMATE”- is generally the one we commit ourselves to. We do this for any number of reasons, most of which are ego driven. (fear of loneliness, social and familial pressure, etc). I’ve been studying my own cowardice. I’ve been out of emotional integrity and spiritual integrity but this year has forced me to face myself and fears. I’ve found courage. I can’t play it safe anymore. The cost is too much and over the years, at times has left me spiritually bankrupt.
While you can build an amazing life with your “solemate” it may not be everything you need. “Solemates” serve a different purpose. They feed our ego-illusions. When you look on the outside to define you, things like security, education, finances, and the aforementioned may be the purpose we choose “solemates”. People often call them “relationships of convenience” Many times there is nothing convenient about them. They just serve a different purpose. They serve our physical/material world. I want a higher serving relationship that transcends the physical world, one that serves a divine purpose, a sacred union.
The ego mind has us thinking that there is a perfect relationship that exists. We want this relationship that appears to be great. It comes wrapped up in a pretty box with bows and ribbons.
We hashtag “relationship goals” when we think we see images of it. The ego mind will keep us unhappy as we get lost in our imagination and remain disillusioned. Fear and emotions begin to consume you.
What I learned to do was to get out of my head where the ego dwells. The emotions affect how we perceive things. I choose now to operate from the heart space where the soul resides, to nurture my spirit, not feed my fears.
“SOULMATES” (the one who helps bring you to your divine purpose). This is the one that rattles your ego and dismantles your entire ego based belief system. I was forced to let go of my preprogrammed ideas, that I had become emotionally attached to. I finally had to battle the coward within. I put everything on the line to achieve the realest love. Old patterns had to be eliminated. I had become so attached to things that didn’t serve my higher purpose. I’m not afraid to live my most authentic life. I’m ready. Yes I’m finally ready.
Situations and circumstance no longer get to dictate the quality of relationships I have. It’s the power of turning 44. I will love without fear and apology. I love myself, not in a cliche kind of way, but a deep, spiritual way.
My relationships will now be a reflection of that love and spiritual alignments I’ve made along my life’s journey. It reflects the level of consciousness I’ve achieved because as I mentioned before, it must transcend the physical plane and exist on a higher level. I will relinquish the fear so that I can make allowances for balance and peace. Honor my Divine Feminine to bring balance to his Divine Masculine. The goal is to balance his masculine with femininity
I must say these last 4 years has been deeply profound, from the moment I turned 40, The Universe aligned, conspired and revealed. My journey became crossed with this powerful man, who has proven to be part of my destiny. I immediately recognized his divinity. This Sacred King Man brought me in alignment with my divine assignment. I’ve had a kundalini awakening. I’ve come to have an understanding of love and life that I didn’t have before. My soul has opened up and I became inspired.
No more excuses. I’m finally ready for him. I’ve let go of my attachments to things that aren’t real (time, perception of circumstances, situation, etc, and all things resulting from my fears). There is no “Guess I’ll see you next lifetime”. I know love. That’s the journey. That’s the focus of all my energy. The journey has led me,The Intimacy Junkie to SoulShare because that’s what I want, to share my soul with him. Is he ready for me? I’ve become weary fighting against it. I surrender.