This is the third and hopefully the final time that he cut me off sexually. We just don’t need it anymore for our kind of friendship. It seems to be the source of many of our struggles. It has complicated something so beautiful and amazing. He is always so conflicted. What is he so afraid of? He was pretty firm about his decision. Again he noted how drained and distracted he is by this.
“Are you really going to keep ignoring me and things?..Stop running…”
“I’m not ignoring you or running…I’m just choosing to put a little distance and space between us for obvious reasons. Honestly I am at a crossroads with it. Until I decide how I want to proceed with this ‘friendship’, please stop pushing or trying to provoke a response from me. And I said all of that not really looking for a response, but so you understand where I am with everything”
We needed to let go of the flesh and return to spirit. I was fully prepared to do so. I wanted to give all those parts of me to him and nobody else. I wanted all of him and no one else. I was sure to tell him.
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear…”
and that includes love. I want us to face his fears together so he can stop being so conflicted. I am here to walk with him. I promise that the love he seeks is right where he is most afraid to look…within us. He doesn’t need to be so guarded. The closer we get, the more afraid he becomes. I want him to open up and allow love to birth his divine self.
He can spend an inordinate amount of time venting about lack of loyalty, trust issues, bad friendships, relationships, dating experiences, etc. I have never judged him for his past. I want him to understand that he is safe with me. I still need him. I don’t want to lose him. I can’t imagine anyone else to share these most sacred parts of me with.
I am doing my best to navigate this with him. We are coming from different places of hurt but I suppose I am less scared than he is. Perhaps I want this more than he does, but fear should not get in the way of our journey. I belong to him. He just has to believe he deserves it and allow himself to receive the gift. Everything in my spirit now tells me to be patient and he will.
Sesheta Khepra’s purpose is to be a vessel, a healer for her family/village/community. She wants to share the lessons she has learned as she continues to grow. She tries to administer healing words with love. She uses her writing to encourage people to be their most authentic self, to heal herself and others. Her goal is to influence, to inspire her circle to be open and connect.
She contributes by sharing the most intimate parts of herself; by being vulnerable and transparent. She offers herself as service to those around her. When she has a peak experience she is appreciative, reverential, connected, available and in the moment. She is balanced and peaceful. Her heroines are Queen Afua and Oprah Winfrey. In a best friend she looks for sincerity, sense of humor, someone with the ability to hold her accountable and provide her guidance. She feels her unique skill is using words and sounds to make people feel deeply. Her best qualities in personal relationships are forgiveness, patience and tenderness.