It was way past the time
for me to cut that vine
I had to let him go
And free my soul
The Spirits jolted me as I sat idly at my laptop. It had me moving swiftly to my altar to do work. As I assumed the Lotus position and went inward, my spirit guides had a message for me “Sesheta, let go!” They would protect me. When there is a deep spiritual connection, the dissolution must also be done spiritually to heal.
I had been putting his comfort ahead of mine and it was at a cost. It was a burden that I could no longer afford mentally or spiritually. Too many transgressions had not been acknowledged or addressed. Moments when there could have been lessons learned and growth could have taken place, created voids and caused distractions. He often deflected. I had to be clear with him.
If he wasn’t prepared to check his ego enough to honor me as I honored him, we had to disconnect. Not temporarily and then come back to doing what we used to do. We repeated that same pattern. We couldn’t break free. I am freeing myself now to receive what I know I deserve. I can’t keep letting him back in. I am letting go with The Ancestors behind me. We both wanted the exact same things but we didn’t get it right to align.
This was because his ego made no allowances for trust, so sometimes he treated me like the enemy. His warrior self did not respond to my patience and tenderness. He just couldn’t soften up to receive what he needed and what he expressed that he was looking for. Perhaps he just wouldn’t. He once told me that I needed to tone down my masculine energy and play up my feminine energy. I trusted his guidance and focused on becoming more tender to balance him. He should have followed his own instruction. He knew he struggled with it. He reminded me of it every time he said “I am too abrasive for you Sesheta.” He has to find balance. I love him but this was insane. I wished him peace and blessings on his journey. I cried soul cleansing tears, released the pain, then blew out the candles.